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Empowering Manager leadership through partnership
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Waiting for Godot
I make no apology for continuing a theme from a previous Empowering Manager News - being in the present moment. Talking with my clients and friends, I find that, like me, they sometimes have thoughts that go like this:
"After this busy time at work finishes, then I can really relax"
"Once Christmas is over, then everything can get back to normal and I can do the things I really want to"
"When I find a new job, I can really start to fulfil my potential"
"When I have someone special in my life, then everything will be just fine"
"When I finish this college assignment I'll be able to have some quality time with my family"
"Once I have my own place to live in, I can really start to be myself again"
If you find yourself saying something like this through gritted teeth, with resignation, resentment or complaint, read on, help is at hand.
This kind of thinking packs a double punch. First, you are left feeling anxious and robbed of enjoying the present moment. Second, even when the "when ..." finally happens, you often still don't get to the pay off. The last crisis at work is over, you're immediately into the next one, and you still haven't been able to relax.
Of course, sometimes, it really is true, there is a difficult time to get through and when we get to the light shining at the end of the tunnel, we will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. And yet, either way, we also have a real choice about how we approach what's happening now.
Here are a four alternative ways I find useful to look at a situation like this:
1 Are the two parts of the sentence really glued together? Is the first essential to getting the second? If the "when ......" is really getting in the way of what you want, do you have to do it at all? What about going straight to what you really want and dropping what you don't want?
2 If you can't drop it, can you have your cake and eat it too? What if you COULD have both, at the same time? Re-frame the sentence to put an AND between the two parts and see how that changes things. Is there a way you haven't thought of that could give you BOTH, right now?
3 If you really can't combine the two, be fully present with the task in hand and put what's coming later onto the shelf to enjoy later. Let yourself be completely absorbed in what is in front of you now. When that's done, turn your mind to what you want next.
4 If you still can't drop thinking about what you really want, how can you look at the task in hand as a preparation for that. Ask yourself, how is this preparing me for what I really want? How is this leading me to it?
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